To tame a lying heart

I’m one of those who learned too late not to believe everything I feel. My heart has been lying to me for decades and I didn’t even know it.

Photo courtesy of http://www.geekosystem.com

In my opinion, emotions are the most volatile and unreliable piece of evidence. I don’t know about you but I only have to wait for few days, even a few minutes and I feel differently about something or someone. But the main problem with listening to a lying heart is that it causes doubt. Doubt in myself, and unease with taking any bold actions. I have noticed that as I attempt to take a big personal, or professional leap (of faith), I become overwhelmed with doubt. The emotion can stop me dead in my tracks. What if I fail? Then I look around me like a lost child, searching desperately for approval – even in the faces of strangers.

Thirty-something might be kind of late in life by many standards but as there’s still a good few decades ahead of me, I think it’s as good a time as any to tame my lying heart. I can’t get rid of it or even stop it from lying. But I can bring it under subjection. I’m not seeking forgiveness for it either, for it makes me human – sensitive, compassionate, passionate and frankly, I’ve kinda come to like myself that way. To be any other way would make me schizophrenic.

How do I tame my heart? It’s not something anyone can do for me. I’ve come to realise that who I am is separate from what I do and sometimes my heart cannot reconcile the two. I need personal and independent affirmation of who I am. This way I can ignore my body’s tendency to listen to lies that contradict what I already know. It’s about knowing. I’ve always found it curious that some people can feel one way and do something else. I’ve thought them insincere and even untrustworthy but this is where I’m heading. If I feel stupid – because I’ve said something stupid in front of dozens of people – it doesn’t mean I’m stupid. And it certainly doesn’t mean I should act stupid….not intentionally anyway.

Photo courtesy of http://www.motleynews.net

I’ve been on this journey to tame my lying heart for years. At first, I didn’t know what I was trying to tame or change. But now that I know, I feel relieved. I can achieve my dreams at a faster pace, I can look my fears and weaknesses in the eye instead of looking at my feet (or at strangers). It’s like I’m meeting myself – confronting my heart – for the first time. And in some ways, I am.

Thanks for reading. x

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Comments

  1. my heart is a lying deceiver and till now, I actually had it in mind to totally ignore it; just like it didnt exist… Taming is so much more sensible though

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  2. Lovely blog and beautifully written as always. I’ve missed you! x

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  3. Glad to read someone else’s take on emotions. To think that too often, people seem to wear the statement ‘I am an emotional person’ like a badge of honour. Yes, we are emotional beings but the bottom line is not to be controlled or ruled by them. Thanks for sharing this Sis.

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  4. That was an actual photo of the grey heart made by the clouds? Wonders!

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  5. Thirty something to learn this is not late at all. Some people never learn it and they are in their 70s and 80s.

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  6. Very interesting and thoughtful piece. I have found, or at least when i was working this is how I trained my “charges” , that you can’t bring emotion into a business decision. It just clouds the sense of what you are trying to achieve. When it comes to your personal life then your heart and emotional reaction is part of who you are and if you didn’t listen to it sometimes then you’d just become a machine. The key is to listen to your heart sometimes, and then enjoy the “craic” if it goes wrong and move on. That way, your heart doesn’t become baggage – it becomes your friend.

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