Another personal reflection completed…but not quite there

I have an assignment that I’ve been meaning to do for the last few weeks. It’s one of those writing assignments that allow me to conjure brilliant paragraphs of wisdom in my head. This “conjuring” usually happens when I’m cooking or bathing or driving or about to fall asleep. Basically, it’s happening everywhere except in front of my laptop and without a pen in my hand. Classic.

My MBA lecturer asked me to reflect on my learning journey so far. I need to mentally plot my personal progress (or the lack of it) and come to a resolution about where I’m going (or should be going). These things are always difficult and even frightening for me. And it’s not only because it’s a bit eerie fairy (ad hoc, intangible), mystical and without any confirmatory mathematical equations. It’s also because most of the time I’m very busy NOT reflecting. I’m usually running from one place (like work or school runs) to another (like home or grocery shopping). But as much as I’d like to continue complaining about time poverty, I know this assignment is meant for me.

It’s typical that now that I’m in front of my screen, I’m empty as regards any wise words about my personal journey. As I sit thinking, I’m sort of where I planned to be emotionally, mentally and professionally. No. Scratch that. I never knew I’d get to my present self. And it’s a lie to even allude that there was a plan all along. I thought I’d stand in my way and talk myself out of my own prosperity. I thought that I wouldn’t make it to this point in time for it to mean anything. As I reflect on what I wanted
to be when I was young enough to dream, I come up blank. I didn’t want to be anything, not even a princess. I just wanted everyone to like me and I wanted to be whatever they wanted me to be. As long as everyone was happy….

You can guess where that left me: not really knowing what I was about. It was a relief when I realised that I wasn’t stuck and I could be anything I wanted to be. In business. A hard worker. A blogger or writer. A very successful human being. I’ve been doing all my own stunts and I’m still here (scars and all to show for it). My old self would be speechless if she could see me now. She never thought I’d get anywhere close to my potential. The fact that I’m reflecting at all is a great start. I’m very much a doer but hopefully I’m taking the necessary steps to just be although it means taking my eyes off the ball.
Ok, enough of this eerie fairy stuff; back to doing.

End of reflection

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Comments

  1. My old self would be speechless if she could see me now. ..
    +
    frizztext: congrats 🙂

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  2. K, you’re fantastic! It’s hard to reflect when your body and brain are in a constant “do” mode. I started using the voice recorder on my phone to log thoughts while on the go. Just an idea.

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  3. Wow, this is deep…. I perfectly understand how frustrating it is to have those ‘writer block’ moments. And like you any writing idea I have usually occurs in most places but in front of my laptop. In recent times, I’ve started having fantastic ideas in my dream which of course I completely forget by the time I wake up!! By the way, great blog. I’m officially addicted now:-)x

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  4. Nice post.
    You’re so lucky that you have found that thing to “do”. Many of us just wallow in indecision. Something is obviously propelling you forward–even if you don’t know what it is, you have “it”.
    I hope things keep “happening” for you!

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  5. He he he, you and I sound quite similar all the way down to the MBA. Congratulations on pursuing the MBA!

    No, I’m not pursuing an MBA, just yet. I’m stuck in sabotage mode of standing in my way to pursuing it.

    I hear you on the great ideas which flash into your mind when your not at the computer screen.

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  6. Your posts are sincere and daring. You dare to go where others would sleek away from…like sharing deep thoughts. Hmmm you are going somewhere girl..oops I mean lady!. The sky ain’t your limit! You can add me to your fan club

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  7. I feel the same way except instead of an MBA I want to start a magazine. Where I stand in my way is networking and finding the funding. It is a matter of getting out of your own way and into the doing.

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  8. Not everyone can call themselves a very successful human being! So CONGRATS for everything you’ve achieved so far! And good luck for the things you are planning to achieve! 🙂

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  9. Reflecting and taking stock is hard for all of. LaMonique’s idea of voice recording is a good one. We used to call them Dictaphones until mobile phones gave us the facility and saved us from the constant rude joke. I struggled with this recently. approaching what should be my retiring years when there is NO WAY, JOSE in my head. She suggested just mind-blasting what she called an Achievement Wall where everything positive that you take for granted goes up there – raising your kids, starting your blog, starting your MBA, etc. Good luck – reflection oils the “Do” wheels.

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