I have an assignment that I’ve been meaning to do for the last few weeks. It’s one of those writing assignments that allow me to conjure brilliant paragraphs of wisdom in my head. This “conjuring” usually happens when I’m cooking or bathing or driving or about to fall asleep. Basically, it’s happening everywhere except in front of my laptop and without a pen in my hand. Classic.
My MBA lecturer asked me to reflect on my learning journey so far. I need to mentally plot my personal progress (or the lack of it) and come to a resolution about where I’m going (or should be going). These things are always difficult and even frightening for me. And it’s not only because it’s a bit eerie fairy (ad hoc, intangible), mystical and without any confirmatory mathematical equations. It’s also because most of the time I’m very busy NOT reflecting. I’m usually running from one place (like work or school runs) to another (like home or grocery shopping). But as much as I’d like to continue complaining about time poverty, I know this assignment is meant for me.
It’s typical that now that I’m in front of my screen, I’m empty as regards any wise words about my personal journey. As I sit thinking, I’m sort of where I planned to be emotionally, mentally and professionally. No. Scratch that. I never knew I’d get to my present self. And it’s a lie to even allude that there was a plan all along. I thought I’d stand in my way and talk myself out of my own prosperity. I thought that I wouldn’t make it to this point in time for it to mean anything. As I reflect on what I wanted
to be when I was young enough to dream, I come up blank. I didn’t want to be anything, not even a princess. I just wanted everyone to like me and I wanted to be whatever they wanted me to be. As long as everyone was happy….
You can guess where that left me: not really knowing what I was about. It was a relief when I realised that I wasn’t stuck and I could be anything I wanted to be. In business. A hard worker. A blogger or writer. A very successful human being. I’ve been doing all my own stunts and I’m still here (scars and all to show for it). My old self would be speechless if she could see me now. She never thought I’d get anywhere close to my potential. The fact that I’m reflecting at all is a great start. I’m very much a doer but hopefully I’m taking the necessary steps to just be although it means taking my eyes off the ball.
Ok, enough of this eerie fairy stuff; back to doing.
End of reflection