Today is my 32nd birthday.
This may be the best side of 30. I’m reflecting on things I used to believe, those things I’ve changed my mind about. I’m excited to be alive but as I look at all the horrible events in the world, I feel a deep sense of sadness, and gratitude for all the blessings that I can smile about. I used to want to change the world. Seriously. I fantasized about making a difference in a conflict-stricken world. But:
- I know now that I can’t change anything. I can only make a very slight difference in my tiny square of the world. I’ve discovered that I’m not perfect – my most traumatic discovery to date. It also emerged that I can’t make people do things (Believe me I’ve tried). Very rarely, I change their minds but overall people make strange decisions and are shockingly irrational, most of which has remained unexplained. This brings me to my next realization on this side of 30;
- I’ve finally come around to the idea of not knowing. I’ve thrived on getting to the bottom of everything. I wanted to know why that friendship broke down or why that illness killed one friend and not another. Or why some prayers are answered and others seemed to be in limbo. There are many mysteries in this life but I’m now convinced that knowing everything about everything is a definite health hazard.
I hope the coming years lead to more discoveries. In the grand scheme of things, I’ve lived about a third of my life so it’ll pay me to be equipped for the rest of my life in order to conquer what’s in store. I don’t want to question and doubt who I am like I have in the past. I’m blessed with an extremely supportive network of family and friends. I thank them for letting me be myself all these years while still encouraging me to grow. I thank my readers who by simply showing up have affirmed my position that I may have one or two interesting things to say. God bless you all.